Saleema Nawaz experienced several cheerless styles of music — and one masterpiece — during her hours on hold.
Author of the article:
Saleema Nawaz • Special edition of the Montreal Gazette
Posted February 19, 2023 • Last updated 46 minutes ago • 4 minutes read
Join the conversation Music on hold is so standard that most people who encounter silence hang up within minutes. But the question of what to play for callers is not as simple as it might seem. Photo by SeventyFour/Getty Images/iStockphoto
Last week a medical problem arose in our family. That meant canceled plans, spending time in hospitals as well as on the phone: calling to make or change appointments, leaving messages for doctors, or contacting the pharmacy. I spent a lot of time on hold. Long enough to have a strong sense of which Montreal institution has the best music.
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Music on hold is so standard that most people who encounter silence hang up within minutes. But the question of what to play for callers is not as simple as it might seem. Although classical music is often the preferred choice of companies and callers alike, it’s difficult to compress a full orchestral score into a format that sounds decent over a voice line. And the technological limitations of lines and receivers mean that any music produced for any other medium is likely to sound flat or distorted on the phone — or worse, crackly and static, like radio interference.
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A radio mix might work, but then companies are at the mercy of the DJ, and what’s playing might not fit the brand: think bold lyrics or songs that are too happy or too sad about the product or service on offer.
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Popular songs can also come with personal associations. When the waiting experience is too memorable for the listener, the time can feel longer. Coupled with compression issues and concerns about the lyrics, we spend hours of our lives listening to synthesized string versions of Raindrop’s Keep Falling on my Head and Moon River.
There is also the danger that we will hate everything we listen to during this waiting purgatory. That could be one of the reasons why Muzak was renamed Mood Media and why some joked about a possible psychological glitch with the government’s mandate to exclusively use Quebec music in all their services, in elevators and queues.
This advertising opportunity to get in touch with loyal customers has not escaped the attention of companies. So-called “music on hold” is often periodically interrupted by “messages on hold”, usually to reassure us that our calls are important, to urge us to visit a website and not hang up. The repetition is annoying, especially paired with the kind of click that can sometimes intervene between the music and commercials – giving the false hope that someone might actually pick up.
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I’ve experienced all these cheerless variations during my hours on hold: synth-string versions of old hits; Flat, sizzling versions of classic tunes and endlessly looping commercials that cut into generic pop.
The Jewish General Hospital, known for its excellent medicine and patient care, may be less famous for its music on hold, but last week I was reminded how much I liked the tune, or at least preferred it to the other dull waiting options. We had to drive out while I was on hold so I put my phone on speakerphone as I didn’t want to hang up.
“It must get boring hearing the same thing over and over again,” my husband remarked.
“Yes, but this is indeed a masterpiece,” I explained. “It’s brilliant. It’s actually on a 10 minute loop, so it takes longer to replay, meaning you don’t feel like you’ve waited that long. It also has a driving pulse behind it – it rises and falls. There is suspense and drama! It’s somehow both soothing and mysterious. And it fades in and out at the beginning and end… it really comes out of the universe itself. And the sound quality is superb.”
My husband looked at me sympathetically as if I might have Stockholm Syndrome. “You’ve definitely had time to think about it.”
“Yes.” I was on hold for a long time but it didn’t feel like it. The music had lulled me into a state beyond space and time. I really wanted to find out who had composed such a chef d’oeuvre. Could it be a Montreal masterpiece?
Research soon revealed that my new favorite jam was the Cisco phone system’s default music on hold. It was composed in 1989 by 16-year-old Tim Carleton on a four-track machine in California and requested for free use a few years later by one of his buddies who joined Cisco when it was still a start-up.
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It turns out I’m not the only listener obsessed with what’s billed online as Opus No. 1 is known. Versions of the song on YouTube have garnered thousands of views and comments from followers around the world who have heard it on millions of Cisco phone systems in use worldwide.
Then I was blown away when I saw the new Bud Light commercial that aired during the Superbowl, in which Miles and Keleigh Teller dance to Opus #1 while waiting on hold. Love for Cisco’s so-called “Holdwave” classic has gone mainstream. I just hope Carleton finally made some money from his underground hit.
Saleema Nawaz’s latest book is Songs for the End of the World. Visit her website, saleemanawaz.com.
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On hold or in the elevator? The music you hear should be made in Quebec: Minister
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