Advice is tricky. If it’s unwelcome or inappropriate, it can give the impression of an ill-fitting sweater – constricting, irritating and unflattering. While this is solid wisdom, maybe it’s just not the right cut or style for the person receiving it.
But advice desired – and given with empathy, experience and humility? It’s like a favorite pair of jeans that you return to year after year because they make you feel like the best version of yourself.
At Life Kit, we interview a lot of people who give advice on how to earn a living. We wondered which pointers they keep in regular rotation. So we asked them: what is the best piece of advice you have ever received?
Here are 10 well-rehearsed tips from therapists, career coaches, relationship experts, and writers. We hope you find something that resonates.
Answers have been edited for length and clarity
1. “There’s more than one way to do something”
I remember scrubbing a pan when I was maybe 8 or 9 years old. There was something stuck on the pan that wouldn’t come off, and I kept rubbing it. My dad stopped me, grabbed a fork and just scratched it. And he looked at me and said, “Jody, there’s more than one way to do something.” From that moment I looked at all the problems in my life, how can I do this in a different way? — Jody Adewaleclinical psychologist
2. “Hate will come at the same rate as love”
The best advice I’ve ever received is that hate will come at the same rate as love. There will always be people who are so dissatisfied with themselves that they have to project it onto others. And instead of trying to focus on negativity, I tend to try to put more energy into people and things that show me love, support, and good energy. — Kiaundra Jacksonmarriage and family therapist
3. “Do small loads of laundry”
I used to work at a small grocery store, and before I left for college, I asked the store manager, “What’s the number one thing I need to know before I go to college? ?” And he said, “Do little loads of laundry. Your clothes will come out cleaner.” — Shaun Galanosrelationship coach and facilitator The impulse of love podcast
4. “To be vulnerable is to take off our armor”
I was talking with my therapist about how I didn’t mind being vulnerable as long as I knew the other person would be warm, non-judgmental and all that. And she said, “It’s not vulnerable. Being vulnerable means taking off our armor and going in not knowing how we’ll be received, but putting ourselves out a bit anyway.” — Tania Israelprofessor of psychology at the University of California, Santa Barbara
5. “Go where the energy goes”
The best advice I ever received was “Go where the energy goes”. What has good vibes? What makes you feel good about yourself? Where is this good energy? Head in that direction. — betty whopop star and host of the reality TV series “The One That Got Away”
6. “It’s Not All About You”
The best piece of advice I was given was, “Shanita, that’s not all for you. When I’m in a situation where a tough decision needs to be made and it feels personal, I remind myself that it’s not all up to me and that I’m part of a larger universe that’s in play right now. — Shanita Williamscareer coach and author of Feedback mentality
7. Expect change
We all change every five years or so. More or less, we should expect to change, and we should expect the people in our lives to change. This little tip has given me plenty of room for space and for growth. — Lindsay Bryan PodvinFinancial Therapist and Facilitator Mind Money Balance podcast
8. “When people show you who they are, believe them”
When people show you who they are, believe them. Far too often I’ve seen us try to recreate who we want people to be, only to find out later that they are exactly what they’ve been shown to be. — Nedra Glover Tawwablicensed therapist and author of Set limits, find peace
9. Pace your self-improvement
Don’t get too involved in your personal development. Accept the gifts and abilities you have and don’t spend too much time trying to develop new ones to the point of sacrificing your gifts. Be yourself. — David Defoea psychotherapist specializing in depression, anxiety and bereavement
10. It’s OK to say “I don’t know”
Something that I’ve enjoyed a lot is telling you, “I don’t know. And that’s exactly where I should be when I take that first step.” I am as ready as ever. I’ll do it, and I’ll know more after. — Becky Kennedyclinical psychologist and author of Good Inside: A guide to becoming the parent you want to be
Your turn: How do you show affection to your friends?
We’d love to hear the best advice you’ve ever received. Email your response to lifekit@npr.org with the subject “best advice” before March 3, 2023 and indicate your name and place of residence. We can feature it in a story on NPR.
This Life Kit story was made by our visual editor Beck Harlan. Our digital editor is Danielle Net.
The Dear Life Kit series is hosted by Andee Tagle and produced by Beck Harlan and Sylvie Douglis. Bronson Arcuri is the executive producer and Meghan Kean is the editor.
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