My in-laws are obsessed with following my family and it makes me claustrophobic

My husband and I have been asked to participate in tracking dozens of times, but our answer is always no – Mister Ned

Most people I know despair of their technophobic relatives. In-laws and elderly parents who need constant assistance at the printer, avoid email or demand digital help with every visit. However, my husband’s parents are anything but Luddites. They grab the latest smartphones and watches and upgrade their tablets to the latest models as they become available. Although they never ask me to help upgrade their software, their knowledge of the latest technology means they are keen on keeping track of everyone.

Apparently it’s “nice” to see where everyone is and what they’re up to, but I find it claustrophobic and over the top. So far, I’ve flatly refused to download apps like Glympse, FamiSafe, and Find My Friends – which I’m sure has been commented on out of earshot.

For me, the technology didn’t evolve for that. I find this type of digital stalking annoying and will not engage in it – even if other family members do. I don’t like the idea of ​​a full grown adult having to be tracked and it also raises privacy issues. Not that that would deter my in-laws: they believe we’re family, so nothing is sacred.

My husband and I have been asked to participate in tracking dozens of times, but our answer is always no. On a recent holiday, we woke up in a different time zone to a barrage of messages asking us to download a specific app that works internationally so they could “follow us around”. Luckily, my husband was as put off by this as I was, and we conveniently ended up in a Wi-Fi blackspot for a few hours.

I know they only want to keep an eye on us because it’s important to them, but it’s not an uncommon vacation when I want my mother-in-law to look over my shoulder, albeit from a safe distance. Besides being annoying, what’s the point of going to a new place and coming back from vacation ready to show off a few photos and describe what we saw, only to be like, “Oh, we know – that did you on Wednesday, didn’t you?”

Their attachment to their phones means I often play vaguely to keep them at bay. In fact, I’ve come up with a few strategies to keep my digital distance. Sometimes I stamp incoming messages and quickly scan them without opening them fully so they can’t see they’ve been read. Once opened, a WhatsApp message can sometimes open the floodgates for dozens of questions or an awkward video call. Turning off Wi-Fi or putting my phone on airplane mode is also an option I occasionally resort to.

It’s not that I enjoy operating under the guise of secrecy or that I don’t want to communicate with family. I’ll definitely want to keep them updated on what we’re up to and of course I’m sending pictures of their grandchildren’s latest exploits. But I prefer to do this at a time when I have more than three seconds to hastily type a message.

However, I’m not sure my digital distancing strategy will last much longer. My daughter will soon be demanding her own phone and my next concern is that the in-laws will be stalking her too. It’s becoming a family political hot potato: I know it’s hypocritical, but I’m trying to figure out the best way to keep an eye on her from a distance. To me, this is a parental safety issue, but I can already sense a family discussion brewing. Maybe my days of resisting the tracking apps are numbered.

Or maybe it’s time to reinstall the landline, give the kids calling cards, and go back to the old days!

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