DEAR ABBY: A few years ago, my ex and I went through a contentious, bitter, and protracted divorce. She is a foreign national, and she returned to her home country a few years later. Our son, who is now an adult, soon followed her. I hope to visit him in a few months. My son and my ex are expecting me to visit him as well. I don’t want to see her. We are divorced, after all. How can I respectfully let our son know that I don’t want to see his mother? And how do I tell the ex? — NOW A SINGLE DAD IN WASHINGTON
DEAR NOW SINGLE DAD: Tell your adult son that while you’re looking forward to seeing him, given the circumstances of the divorce, you’d rather not have contact with his mother. Hopefully this won’t affect his willingness to see you. If so, however, you’ll have to decide if seeing her is a price you’re willing to pay to see your son. (And keep this “family reunion” short and sweet.)
DEAR ABBY: Regarding “Baffled in Iowa” (November 4), it seems that the letter writer’s friend is in danger. As you said, the man her friend got involved with is “more than a little controlling.” At the very least, this woman, once spotted by the social services or the police, needs social control, that is to say a serious examination of her situation by a professional experienced in this type of situation.
It’s exactly the kind of thing that could cause “Baffled’s” friend to lose her identity and lose all of her finances to what appears to be a well-heeled con artist. One could also imagine her being murdered for the insurance money. Yes, she is an adult who “has the right to make her own decisions”. But, from what we know about this woman, she may not be able to make her own decisions and is totally under the control of someone she has only known for a short time. of time.
This woman’s situation is more than a little worrying. As a board-certified, residency-trained emergency physician, I have seen similar situations that have resulted in identity theft, loss of all property, and even murder. My wife has a master’s degree in social work and has faced similar scenarios with clients with terrible results. We have serious concerns for her friend’s physical and emotional safety as well as her financial well-being. — EXPERIENCED IN COLORADO
DEAR EXPERIENCED: Other readers have written to express the same concerns. They suggested that the friend’s new “boyfriend” might be a narcissist, sociopath, or domestic abuser. They recommended that “Baffled” contact their local Department of Family and Children’s Services to report potential elder abuse. Adult protective services may also be able to help. And the advice of the National Domestic Violence Hotline (thehotline.org; 800-799-7233) should be sought, because major and sudden changes in the woman – selling her house, moving in with the man, buying an insurance policy -life and cease all contact with friends – are several red flags.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
New York Post
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